Who knew? And when it comes right down to it I suck at processing when in the middle of an episode where my dealing mechanisms are on holiday.

So. That pretty much covers the last 3 months.

Unless you also would like to be apprised of the fact that when my dealing mechanisms are on holiday they take with them all desire to keep the house up. I honestly can't believe the state my house was in when I woke up this morning. I have trouble with the fact that I was so totally unaware of how desperate the situation had become.

So that was partially early this morning to approximately half past six this evening when he appeared.

He just left. Actually almost 40 minutes ago already.

I let him fuck me. Well, I guess I fucked him. Technically.

Um. Yeah.

It was disturbing. My behavior during said shared moment.

I kept saying "fuck you" but he obviously thought I was not saying that exactly. Maybe something containing the sentence.

Passive aggressive much?

Yet another piece of drivel to relate to the recently acquired Psychologist. The latest one having been released for offering (after first discussion where I was more than clear about not needing help on religious matters) to pray with me. I felt like I had knocked on the door of a Jehovah's Witness door rather than vice versa.

Where was I? Oh yeah. The sex.

He apparently has become fixated on the girl from the Radio Shack in Parma. We went in there to get a butane powered sodering iron. (Can you say last thing I ever thought I would be shopping for?) And there she is. In the car we briefly discussed various parts of her anatomy. Then again brought it up. He wanted to go pick something up at Radio Shack tonight.

Did I mention that he forgot my birthday?

Did I also mention that he left and went home with comments about being tired and called just now to tell me he got home safe. After having stopped to wash the truck.

I wonder why I am so passive about my aggression.

I also wonder how I have again managed to run myself out of cigarettes. Completely out. As in none even hiding behind the couch cushions all stale and just waiting for the moment that inevitably comes where I will smoke them regardless of the stale factor.

So I smoked the only other thing I had in the house to smoke.

Which has brought you up to where the in the hell I have been.